Role models

While in the store today I saw a young black man who was dressed urban. He was putting on his best gangsta act but then he saw this man and pulled his pants up, shook his hand and turned into a completely different person. That made me think of me.

As a kid I hung out in the streets. I got into fights, stayed out late, got into trouble and had a few brush ups with the police. However I always stayed out of getting into major trouble. A few years ago I saw one of my old friend's mother. There were always 3 of us. Every day we would walk up and down the street, just hanging out. Both of them have spent quality time in the Rhode Island Corrections system. She looked at me and we had the "what are you up to" conversation. I told you what had happened from 1995 until now and she just looked amazed. That followed with "how the hell did you manage to stay out of the trouble they got in?" My answer was simple "I knew when to go home".

The truth is it wasn't that simple. I had a mother who even after her passing ruled me by fear. I was terrified of getting in trouble. That still wasn't it though. The truth is I was lucky enough to have male role models. I've heard people talk about how their father wasn't around and how hard they had it but the truth is that's a shitty excuse. I had 2 father's...biological and non. Both were very different and both had their influences. One was around me a bit more than the other but that's not to negate the importance of both.

My decisions were based on my non parental figures. I have uncles, a lot of them. One uncle was the guy I wanted to be. He was cool. He was a ladies man. He was smart. He was street smart and yes he was a convicted felon. My grandfather once told me you have to separate the message from the messenger. Sometimes the best lessons are learned from the worst people. I looked at him, saw him and he drove me. Even when he was away his friends would make sure to keep me out of parties and bad situations. He was too cool to let everyone know how smart he was so yes he does fall into the category of wasted talent. My uncle has taught me how to be street smart, yet be book smart. He has provided me with the street edge that separates me from many people. I was able to take the street knowledge he gave me and use it in corporate America.

I also had my cousin. My cousin was smart also but he was not as much of the trouble maker than my uncle was. Both of them are approximately 6 - 8 years older than me, so they fit more into the mold of my big brother than uncle. However my cousin showed me that it's ok to show emotion. He taught me how to treat people. He taught me to respect my family, and be a role model. He stood in front of me crying his eyes out and told me that my mother has passed just minutes before. Because of him it was ok for me to cry. My cousin was there for my prom, gave my some advice and pulled my pants up. My cousin is artistic and taught me that it's ok for a man to write, act, dance or sing.

Lastly I would like to address the collection of my uncles. I had/have 8 or so of them. All of them served their role in my life. If they saw me walking somewhere I shouldn't be they told me to get out of there. Whenever I saw them I always treated them with respect and they would have kicked my ass if I didn't. My uncles would see me and give me the last dollar from their pocket.

Your father is meant to teach you many things. Some of the things I learned outside my pop taught me. However it's often the job of the child to ignore what pop teaches me. He was too old and not cool enough to be able to tell me these things. He's the guy who took me to see Boys in the Hood and made sure I got the inner message that Trey stayed out of trouble because his father was around. He's the guy who makes the tough decisions and does the things to make you a good man some day. He makes the unpopular decisions that make you dislike him rather than the ones you like.

I want people to stop with the damn excuses. Everybody has role models. They come from all forms and they tell you the same things I've been told. Some of the things are good, some are bad, some are productive and some are useless, but we have to listen. We have to take responsibility for filtering. We can't smack a woman and say "My dad hit my mother". Grow your ass up and take personal responsibility for the things you've done.

This blog may not have the excitement of some others but these are my thoughts...get over it.