Men get no holidays

Ok so this is long overdue. This is my note to all the wives, girlfriends, fiance's and whatever else out there.

There are lists of suspect holidays out there. If we begin in January, we first hit Valentine's day. V-day is a day for women. Aside from the fact that it's not even a real holiday it's not for us. I was also once told to never trust anything with the initials VD. It's a day with some crazy winged guy who still wears diapers and shoots people with arrows. What kind of shit is that? I get shot with an arrow to notice some woman; in the words of Biggie, "Somebody's got to die".

The next day in question is not St Paddy's day. Any day that encourages drinking is a good day. Instead we'll discuss Mother's day. No there's nothing wrong with Mother's having a holiday. The issue is that Father's get robbed on Father's day. Father's get wack gifts, forgotten about, or church speeches about deadbeat dads. I mean come on now. So yes in the duo that we'll call Parent's day, women win.

So the suspect holidays continue to Columbus day (a day celebrating stealing...I mean discovering a country that already had people living there). I'm going to walk into someone's new house, call a whole bunch of people and say I discovered the house.

Since Thanksgiving just passed I won't ignore it. Yes it's another suspect holiday. We should rename is family reunion day. The natives didn't kick it with the pilgrims arguing whether sweet potato pie is better than pumpkin. No they may have been serving, but the truth is they were probably pissed that these cats came and ran them off of their land. So if I become President Thanksgiving shall be renamed.

By now you're probably thinking I'm just bitching but no, this is going somewhere. Notice, men have no holiday. Yes, we do but it gets ignored. It occurs every Sunday for approximately 21 weeks if you include playoffs. Sunday's are for two things: God and Football. The only person who should bother me on Sunday is God. Now if God wants to talk to me, I'm probably going to miss football, unless they have plasmas in heaven, but he's exempt.

We don't ask for much. Maybe we want some hot wings, but all in all we just want to be left to scratch ourselves and not have to answer silly questions. I don't care how much you miss me on Sunday. I'm not even thinking about you. I'm thinking about how much of a freak of nature Adrian Peterson is. I'm thinking, they need to stop all these rules to protect players and let people get hit. I'm thinking I really do enjoy celebration dances. However I'm not thinking how much I'd like to be cuddled up with you. I'm not thinking "I want to go shopping" or "Who's having a great sale". Yes, you're more than welcome to sit next to me during the game, but the first time I hear how hot Mike Tomlin is, you must go somewhere else.

Sunday is our day, also Saturday, Monday night, and sometimes Thursday night. You can have the rest of the week and damnit the rest of the year. 21 weeks...that's all I ask.