You say he's just a friend...

I don't know how many times I've spoken to someone and heard her say, "I'm going out with my best friend (insert name here) this weekend. But next week my other best friend and I are going to hang out". Now my first thought is, the grammatical impossibility that is having more than one best friends. Yet, I know of people who have 6 best friends. I place a high value on the term friend. Very few people are worthy. In fact most people fall into the category of acquaintance. However most of my friends are also the same sex.

The whole concept of friends of the opposite sex doesn't make sense to me. There are exceptions. My female friends fall into the category of people I went to school with or grew up with. These are women who I would never look upon in a sexual way. We didn't date, hook up, or anything like that. In fact the thought of that would never cross our minds. How can you look at someone who you are supposed to be able to be there for in an intimate way?

I'm 31 years old and the fact is that I'm pretty set on friends especially female ones. The difference between me and some men is that I'm willing to admit where I stand. Friendship is like a consolation prize to a guy. We see an attractive woman, we grasp the courage to hit on her just so we can hear "I just want to be friends". How the hell can you be friends with a strange man whose only basis for talking to you is your nice ass? However, that guy says yes. When he says yes, he's not trying to be your friend. He's biding his time. He's there when you ask for man advice, and if you haven't notice that advice always sounds like "He's playing you. I'm a guy, I know these things". Yet, because he's your "friend" that shit is like gospel.

Guys are not really all that deep. However women are. My cousin once explained to me to stay away from women who have all male friends. The reason is that the woman either likes the attention that the men give her, or she is full of shit and knows that women will see through it. A man are too busy staring at your cleavage and picturing you in his favorite position to hear a damn thing you say. He gives you the "smile and nod". The "smile and nod" is a look where he's using his active listening skills to offer you positive feedback and make sure you think he's listening. While all he actually hears is "oh daddy, right there".

This isn't rocket science. If you're going to a guy because we know can see through male bs, why wouldn't the same apply to women? Women know this is the case, they just choose to play naive.

I don't need my girl going to her guy friend to talk about some shit I did. In fact I've learned that people need to just keep their relationship business between them. That way when shit hits the fan there are only two people to blame. The guy that she goes to doesn't know me. He's not my friend. He's her friend. So why the hell would he say anything that goes in my favor?

When a man meets a woman she is classified by the number of drinks it would take for him to find her attractive. Based on that number he'll go in. The lower the number the more he'll go through for the opportunity. However, there's a break point. That's the point where he will respond with "nice meeting you" if she throws the friends thing out there. He comes to the conclusion that it's not really worth waiting around for.

Don't get me wrong there are woman who I have or haven't hooked up with that I'm cool with. However the probability is that if given the opportunity I would put it on them until I was sucked through the hole in the ozone layer.

I look at my female friends the same way I see my sister. You are my friend for life, or until you get married and your nazi husband doesn't allow you to speak to me anymore.

What percentage of your friends are male has become one of my first questions. Right around, "How many baby daddies do you have? When was the last time you smoked crack? and Have you ever read a book that didn't have pictures?" That male friend will be pulling her hair the next time you piss her off.