Too old for this

I was 19 years old and was at a club in RI known as Confettis. I was dancing with someone, looked up and it happened. My pop's friend was in the same club dancing with some girl and he waved at me. After waving, he looked at the girl I was dancing with, smiled and said "Hell yeah, you go" with a nod of approval. Oh hell no! Three, maybe 4 years later I was in a club we in Providence called Hoevans, but was actually named Jovans. I was chillin, spittin that hot fire for the night. I had probably collected 2 numbers by the time event number 2 happened. I was at the bar talking what was obviously a club regular and this guy who used to play flag football with my pop walked up to me. He interupted the conversation to proceed to point out how he remembers when I used to run around the field and they would beat me up. Are you kidding me? Did he want her number? All he had to do was tell me he was trying to get with her and I would have left it alone, but damn you don't have to completely shit on my game like that.

That's what has brought me to my current theory that I am too old to be in the club. I'm 31 years old, soon to be 32. I have a younger brother whose diapers I changed. My memory stretches back to things that happened in the year 1982 and maybe 81 if I try hard. Well if someone is 21 years old right now, that means they were born in 1988. In 1988 I was already 11 years old, in 6th grade. I was able to do algebra, and had participated in a mock election of president Bush vs Dukakis. The point to all that is, I can't be in a club with someone born in a year I can remember.

I remember being in the club looking around at the over 30 year olds laughing and saying, "There's no way I'll be the old man in the club". You should have nothing in common with a 21 year old...well almost nothing. However you don't need to be in the club to accomplish the almost. If you happen to just want to look then go to youtube and search on "Edubb Whooty". You'll thank me later.

I was invited to a lounge with a friend a few months back. We stood there talking, and drinking. During this time there was naturally music in the background. However the music was terrible. Soulja boy should not be playing anywhere I stand. In fact I'd rather listen to Sweet Caroline 1000 times before 1 Kiss me through the phone. At least sweet Caroline means I'm probably drunk already, especially if I start singing "oh oh oh". Yes, every guy loves the sight of a young ass, perky breasts and short clothing, but have you ever tried to have a conversation with one of these club chicas? Well I have and, it made me hope that she isn't a future leader. Otherwise I'm moving to Canada tomorrow. If she happens to do nails, or give massages then, maybe we can work with that.

Think back to when you were younger and looked at that guy in the club who maybe looked young but you knew he was too old. He was out of place, trying to get some young tail and ended up spending money recklessly on drinks for the girls he was working on. Do you want to be that guy? I sure as hell don't. There is one reason young women want older men, and it's not because they're mature for their age. It's money damn it. You're older, fatter, hairier or lacking hair, and more set in your ways. They don't want to deal with that shit unless you can buy them something, take them somewhere or expose them to something.

Everybody get over it and get out of the damn club. You're too damn old for that shit.