The best thing to happen

I'm sure most people who know me expected this week to be about my mother. Yes Sunday was Mother's day and Thursday marks the 18 year anniversary of the passing of my mother. I miss her dearly and wonder many things about what my life would be like had she been here.

I stood in line at CVS waiting to fill a prescription behind a woman who was standing there with her two children. One child had a runny nose, messy hair and dirty clothes on. The other child was half hanging out of the stroller, grabbing things off of the shelf and had eye crust. However of course, mom was on the phone, not paying attention, talking smack to someone with her hair and nails done, dressed like she was on her way to the club even though it was noon. It made me think of something my grandfather always says..."Parents aren't neccessarily the best thing to happen to their children".

I look back at my mother. My mother died when I was 13 years old and she taught me everything I needed to know to be a productive citizen in 13 years. Most of what she taught me involved a foot in my rear, but that's what I needed. My mother taught me that it was ok for a man to cry, but also that he needs to be able to be strong as well. She taught me to handle my business and to take care of myself before trying to handle everything for everyone else. She taught me how to love myself before trying to love anybody else.

All of the lessons I learned seem second nature to me, but when I look around I see a world where that is lacking. I've been a big brother for 7 years now and I have seen him grow as a young man. However, I've also watched him be a role model for his younger brother. I admire him for that. I look back and wonder if I was as good an older sibling as he is. He loves his brother and his brother loves him. He watches and takes care of himself and his brother and the two of them will grow up to be great.

On the otherhand I run into people on a weekly basis who don't love themselves. Women who have allowed men to step all over them, degrade them, and abuse them physically as well as emotionally. All because they don't love themselves. Men and women who remain in relationships with someone they have no business doing so simply because they aren't happy alone. If you aren't happy alone them you will never be happy together. It makes me think of a part in the movie Belly when T-Boz's character says to DMX girlfriend, that he and Nas's character are happy together because she is happy with herself.

If you're in a relationship out of need then you put someone else in power and they are in a position to take advantage. Are you really happy that way? I saw a 3 year old boy one day with crust in his nose so thick I was struggling to imagine how he could breathe. I took a tissue and wiped his nose. When most children would cry because they don't want you to clean out their nose, he looked at me and said thank you. Imagine that. I could only think that he was thanking me for doing this because he was thankful for the care that goes into cleaning his nose.

As a society, we've removed the ability for parents to physically discipline their children because a group of people go overboard. I was beaten as a child and that was out of love. That was because she loved me too much to allow me to grow up with bad habits. After every disciplinary action taken I was told "I love you", I was also told "I only do this because I love you". I thought that was bs. I would think to myself, " You could buy me something and I'd think you love me too". However once she passed I understand what she meant by that.

Look at yourself and think back to your own upbringing. Either you feel loved or you don't but one way or the other you'll know what was great or missing. If I am blessed to have children I hope to make my children feel loved. This impacts them for the rest of their lives. How they interact with everyone and everything. How they handle adversity; whether they rise to the occasion or feel bad for themselves.

I love my mother and my mother loved me. I hope that some day my children look back at their childhood and say "I love my father and my father loved me", without doubt or hesitation. If that happens, then my life is a success because I will have made a successful contribution to society.

I would like to end this by saying, I live every day wondering if I am making my mother proud. I wonder what she would change, what she would have liked me to do differently, or if she is simply in heaven shaking her head at the person I am. If you have the chance to ask, then do so. Ask if you are living the vision your parents had for you.

I apologize if this doesn't flow smoothly but this is emotions and sometimes emotions aren't eloquent but mine are genuine.