Do you mean it

It's a bit rainy today, so looking out of the window is a challenge. I see rain, clouds, and lots of gray. Then my eyes wander down and I see two people having a conversation. It looks like a couple having an argument.

Now I've had my share of arguments and they tend to end in someone saying "I'm sorry". The person who said it might not mean it when they say it but they know the other person wants to hear it. Why do we say things we don't mean? Have we as a society lost our ability to be sincere? I often wonder this very thing.

I was in a meeting not too long ago, discussing relationships. During this conversation we came to realize the expectations we have of our friends. Mine was that people are consistent. I don't care who or what you are. As long as you are consistent I can handle you. I know what to expect. I know where you stand and I know how you'll react. I have this friend in my life whom I consider to be the most sincere person I have ever met. She is a good person with a great heart. She has provided me with the gold standard of what sincerity is.

Sincerity is when someone does something without expectation. If I loan you money, I am not going to call you repeatedly asking you when you can pay me back. I loan you the money realizing you need it and I have no expectations when I'll get it back. In fact I don't even expect it back. When you do pay me back it's just a bonus. Sincerity is when you do something for someone without expectation of reciprocity, praise, or condition. You do it because you want to.

If I bring up that I loaned you money some time down the line when I am asking you for a favor that you declined am I sincere? In my opinion the answer is “no”. Each deed is determined by it's own merit. I can't count the number of times someone has done or said something to me, just to reference the thing that they did later on when they asked me for something. I can't count the number of times someone has told me they are being there for me but I won't allow them to.

Being there for someone isn't about your conditions. Being there for someone is about being there the way they need you. They may need you to give them a hug, shut up and listen, or talk them down. Maybe they don't need you at all. Just because you offer up your services doesn't make you deserving of praise.

The next time you're close to doing what you may consider a good deed, decide whether or not you're doing so with condition or whether you're just doing because you want to do it. If you decide that you have expectations of any kind, don't bother. Keep that one in your pocket until you get over yourself. There is only one judge and he is God. What you call your God doesn't matter. What does matter is that you don't judge or put condition on the things you do. You're not that important. It's not your life to make the decisions in. I control the only person I can, and that's me.