It's a me world

So I'm up late, not able to sleep and I am actually looking out of my window. I'm staring out there reflecting on what has been an interesting week or so.

I joke with a friend that I occasionally need to be slapped back into reality. There are times when I give people too much credit and I needed this week to get back into that reality. I remember my college days, learning about whether humans are innately good or not and what is the virtuous man. Well I don't believe humans are good but I also don't think humans are malicious. We are selfish. The first rule of human nature is self preservation. We all know this...yay to me for pointing out the obvious. Still, the reality is that we often forget that.

Think about some time when you were given a piece of information. Maybe you heard someone say, "Just being the man/woman I am, I thought you had the right to know", or maybe it was "I just couldn't sleep knowing that you deserve to know this". People aren't that good. People don't do things for the benefit of others unless in some way it benefits them. We will always do what is best for us.

I can recall a situation where I was given information about a relationship I was in. I was awakened by a phone call in which the person on the other end said to me, "You need to know that your girlfriend is cheating with (insert name here)". I took that information, called my girlfriend and asked her flat out. She then told me that wasn't the case and I went back to sleep. I could have assumed the person on the phone was being truthful but I took it head on and asked the question. I ended up getting cheated on anyhow but the point is the person who called did have an alterior motive. She was interested in the man that my girlfriend was cheating with. That's selfish. She didn't think of the impact that it would have on anybody but herself. If she did then she probably would have shared that information in a more effective way.

This isn't limited to information exchange or gossip. This could be something as simple as throwing a nice pass in basketball or telling a joke. Many athletes have been referred to as being selfless for passing or participating in acts that benefited the team first. That's bull. They were doing what was needed to win and they enjoy winning. Some people enjoy stats others enjoy wins. It's the job of the team to find people whose m/o is in line with the overall team strategy. I've poked fun at people who didn't really care for what I was saying, however other people laughed. Now I was just trying to be funny at the expense of the person I was picking on but I didn't really care whether they found it funny. Instead I was glad to make myself and a few other people laugh. Just because our friends find us funny doesn't make us funny. It just means we surround ourselves with people who think like us.

Now don't get me wrong. There are plenty of people out there who do things for the greater good. While those people deserve a pat on the back and a hand shake, are they different? No. They are doing this because they enjoy the feeling they get from doing the deeds they perform. Different would be doing something that you completely hate, will feel terrible about afterwards, but doing it anyways even though you'll get no gain. I've tried to come up with an example, but I can't. For a second I thought the time I saw that damn movie even though I knew I would hate the movie, but I knew she would love it, but that didn't work because my benefit was knowing that I wouldn't have to hear bitching for the next few days. Not hearing someone bitch is priceless...don't you forget it.

Some times we do have to prioritize someone else. It's just a simple part of life. We do things we don't want to do in order to make someone else feel better. I honestly believe if more people realized the benefit they would get from prioritizing the needs of someone else rather than focusing on their own we would be much better off. Is it wrong if you do the right thing for the wrong reason? I'm a results oriented person. In the words of Bill Parcells, "Don't tell me about the labor pains, just show me the baby".

I've learned that if you don't expect people to care about what's important to you, you'll be appreciative when they do. The more appreciative you are, the more likely they'll want to see you feel that way again.