Life from my window

It's on you homey.

2010-03-02T08:45:00.000-08:00

So this blog is long over due. I was just sitting here listening to a child tell me how everything is her mother's fault. Her father cheated on her mother because her mother was mean. Her mother broke up with a man who used her because her mother was mean. Her mother could have made her father stay with him. Her father is the victim and her mother is not.

I had someone check my email once and told me she was obviously warranted because of what she found. I laughed. No that doesn't justify it. You did it because you wanted to and you just happened to find something. Don't blame everybody for your mistakes.

I remember a family member getting upset because she wasn't getting phone calls from people. In such simple brilliance, he said "if you want to talk on the phone, you'll make a phone call". In my terms, that's "get over yourself and just call the person you want to talk to".

At what point do we start to look at ourselves instead of playing the victim card? At what point do we take responsibility for our own actions. Nobody can make you do anything that you don't want to do. You made choices and have to live with the consequences. I don't blame anybody else. Maybe something did happen to me that caused me to react differently but the reality is I am responsible for how I act.

As I mentioned in a previous blog when I started meeting stalker after stalker I realized I needed to figure out what I was doing. It just took me a while to figure it all out. However if I'm figuring out what I'm doing to meet them and they're blaming me for their behavior the only person who ever gets fixed is me.

Blame doesn't matter. If I am in a relationship and we break up, who cares who dumped who? Am I 12? The result is the same. It's over!!! You get into the "he/she dumped me" role because you want someone to feel badly for you.

I don't know how many times I've heard people say to me, "why don't you call me". Well did you call me? If you wanted to talk to me, are you so full of yourself that you can't dial a damn phone? Are you so self important that you just sit there waiting for people to ring your phone? Get over yourself. My grandfather has been in the hospital and his phone goes crazy while he's in there but he also makes the time to call people he wants to talk to. It's called personal responsibility.

If I allowed someone else to dictate what I do then I am so weak minded that someone else has mind control over me(insert Friday line here). The sad truth is that people have used this way of thinking to rationalize bigotry. "My grandfather dislikes Mexican people because one day my cousin was jumped by three Mexican guys". I've actually heard someone use that line. So if the people who jumped your cousin looked like you would he hate you? I doubt it.

Look people stop playing the damn victim card. You do the shit you do because you choose to do so. You don't do it because of any reason other than that. You can only control one person in your life and that's yourself. If you're an asshole, it's because of you. If you got dumped, it's because of you. If you

It's my fight

2009-12-20T05:06:00.000-08:00

I have written 21 blogs. Amazing. In the course of time that I've written my 21 blogs, I've covered a variety of topics. I've addressed some relatively controversial subjects. However the most interesting thing is, when I've written about myself or things that I feel, I get the biggest response. People allow their own guilt to make them project onto my blog. I've had people assume my blog was about them (many times). Considering I've said no one person will motivate a blog, people allow their guilt and ego to take over and make the assumption anyways. I've been asked if someone just pissed me off, all because of a blog. My mother is the only one person who motivated a blog. You're not on her level, so knock it off.

Seriously folks, how can you get upset with me for my blog? This could be my outlet. Everyone has one. As long as I am not projecting my outlet in a way that harms you, there should be no issue. If I am not yelling at you, hitting you, threatening you, or attacking you, leave it alone. This is the difference between someone punching a wall and punching you. This is the difference between screaming in a pillow and screaming at you. You can't tell someone how to fight their fight. Yes, it's a fight. Life is full of them. You have a fight; you win the fight; you lose the fight; and hopefully you learn from the fight.

When I was a kid, I used to live across the street from this big lot. At the time I called it a park because there was grass, but the truth is, it was a grassy lot. (For those of you in Rhody, it's the park next to the Messer st fire station.) Now that park was the stuff where legends were made. You had volleyball games where I actually saw a guy get shot at over an in out argument. You had kids being able to identify crack vials because they were everywhere...mostly red tops in that spot. However, one day I was outside and this kid decided he was going to roll up some dried leaves in toilet paper, and smoke them. He insisted you would get high off of them. I believed if people could get high from smoking fallen leaves, then people wouldn't buy drugs. Therefore, I called him stupid. He proceeded to want to fight, but instead of fighting he picked up a bottle, broke it and came at me. Now based on when I lived there I was somewhere between 9 and 12 years old. I ran...hell yeah I ran. I ran straight home, into my kitchen and grabbed a steak knife. As I went to go back outside with my steak knife my mother came out of her room, and we'll just say she gave me a stern talking to. She also proceeded to question my manhood because I was afraid of some kid chasing me with a bottle. She sent be back outside, to fight my fight my way.

Yes that was a long story but the point was that she didn't take away my fight. She didn't go outside and yell at the kid. I had changed the way I was going to fight because he had a different fighting method. She "suggested" against it. No matter what, it was still my fight.

We all have outlets. Outlets for our range of emotions. Maybe we scream when we're angry and throw pillows when we're upset. Maybe we, cry when we're happy, and cry when we're sad, and cry when we're upset. Maybe we just bitch no matter what the emotion. However maybe we write. Maybe we could write to ourselves and just get it out, but we allow other people to see our outlet because they might learn from my fights. When I don't write, I get emails asking me where's my next blog. When I do, I get emails getting mad at me for my blog. As I said before, you don't have to read it. Maybe I don't want to punch walls, scream or cry.

All you can do with someone else's fight is help. If you see them about to do something you've already done, you can offer advice. Nothing more. You can't do more because you're not the one living with the consequences. If you cold cocked someone in a situation and you advise that to me, are you going to serve my prison sentence? The answer is, unless your that dude who went to jail for Notorious BIG, no. I don't see any of my friends going to jail for me. I'm damned sure not going for you. I'm a black, yankee who lives in the south. That's as close to prison as I want to get.

This is me fighting my fight. This is not my passive aggressive cry for help. This is not my passive aggressive way to let you know I'm mad at you. This is not my passive aggressive way of letting you know I'm going to hurt you. This is me fighting my fight. I don't have time to fight your fight because I'm too busy fighting mine. If your fight doesn't keep you busy enough, that's because you're probably not fighting it.

Men get no holidays

2009-11-29T15:25:00.001-08:00

Ok so this is long overdue. This is my note to all the wives, girlfriends, fiance's and whatever else out there.

There are lists of suspect holidays out there. If we begin in January, we first hit Valentine's day. V-day is a day for women. Aside from the fact that it's not even a real holiday it's not for us. I was also once told to never trust anything with the initials VD. It's a day with some crazy winged guy who still wears diapers and shoots people with arrows. What kind of shit is that? I get shot with an arrow to notice some woman; in the words of Biggie, "Somebody's got to die".

The next day in question is not St Paddy's day. Any day that encourages drinking is a good day. Instead we'll discuss Mother's day. No there's nothing wrong with Mother's having a holiday. The issue is that Father's get robbed on Father's day. Father's get wack gifts, forgotten about, or church speeches about deadbeat dads. I mean come on now. So yes in the duo that we'll call Parent's day, women win.

So the suspect holidays continue to Columbus day (a day celebrating stealing...I mean discovering a country that already had people living there). I'm going to walk into someone's new house, call a whole bunch of people and say I discovered the house.

Since Thanksgiving just passed I won't ignore it. Yes it's another suspect holiday. We should rename is family reunion day. The natives didn't kick it with the pilgrims arguing whether sweet potato pie is better than pumpkin. No they may have been serving, but the truth is they were probably pissed that these cats came and ran them off of their land. So if I become President Thanksgiving shall be renamed.

By now you're probably thinking I'm just bitching but no, this is going somewhere. Notice, men have no holiday. Yes, we do but it gets ignored. It occurs every Sunday for approximately 21 weeks if you include playoffs. Sunday's are for two things: God and Football. The only person who should bother me on Sunday is God. Now if God wants to talk to me, I'm probably going to miss football, unless they have plasmas in heaven, but he's exempt.

We don't ask for much. Maybe we want some hot wings, but all in all we just want to be left to scratch ourselves and not have to answer silly questions. I don't care how much you miss me on Sunday. I'm not even thinking about you. I'm thinking about how much of a freak of nature Adrian Peterson is. I'm thinking, they need to stop all these rules to protect players and let people get hit. I'm thinking I really do enjoy celebration dances. However I'm not thinking how much I'd like to be cuddled up with you. I'm not thinking "I want to go shopping" or "Who's having a great sale". Yes, you're more than welcome to sit next to me during the game, but the first time I hear how hot Mike Tomlin is, you must go somewhere else.

Sunday is our day, also Saturday, Monday night, and sometimes Thursday night. You can have the rest of the week and damnit the rest of the year. 21 weeks...that's all I ask.

Role models

2009-11-11T12:21:00.001-08:00

While in the store today I saw a young black man who was dressed urban. He was putting on his best gangsta act but then he saw this man and pulled his pants up, shook his hand and turned into a completely different person. That made me think of me.

As a kid I hung out in the streets. I got into fights, stayed out late, got into trouble and had a few brush ups with the police. However I always stayed out of getting into major trouble. A few years ago I saw one of my old friend's mother. There were always 3 of us. Every day we would walk up and down the street, just hanging out. Both of them have spent quality time in the Rhode Island Corrections system. She looked at me and we had the "what are you up to" conversation. I told you what had happened from 1995 until now and she just looked amazed. That followed with "how the hell did you manage to stay out of the trouble they got in?" My answer was simple "I knew when to go home".

The truth is it wasn't that simple. I had a mother who even after her passing ruled me by fear. I was terrified of getting in trouble. That still wasn't it though. The truth is I was lucky enough to have male role models. I've heard people talk about how their father wasn't around and how hard they had it but the truth is that's a shitty excuse. I had 2 father's...biological and non. Both were very different and both had their influences. One was around me a bit more than the other but that's not to negate the importance of both.

My decisions were based on my non parental figures. I have uncles, a lot of them. One uncle was the guy I wanted to be. He was cool. He was a ladies man. He was smart. He was street smart and yes he was a convicted felon. My grandfather once told me you have to separate the message from the messenger. Sometimes the best lessons are learned from the worst people. I looked at him, saw him and he drove me. Even when he was away his friends would make sure to keep me out of parties and bad situations. He was too cool to let everyone know how smart he was so yes he does fall into the category of wasted talent. My uncle has taught me how to be street smart, yet be book smart. He has provided me with the street edge that separates me from many people. I was able to take the street knowledge he gave me and use it in corporate America.

I also had my cousin. My cousin was smart also but he was not as much of the trouble maker than my uncle was. Both of them are approximately 6 - 8 years older than me, so they fit more into the mold of my big brother than uncle. However my cousin showed me that it's ok to show emotion. He taught me how to treat people. He taught me to respect my family, and be a role model. He stood in front of me crying his eyes out and told me that my mother has passed just minutes before. Because of him it was ok for me to cry. My cousin was there for my prom, gave my some advice and pulled my pants up. My cousin is artistic and taught me that it's ok for a man to write, act, dance or sing.

Lastly I would like to address the collection of my uncles. I had/have 8 or so of them. All of them served their role in my life. If they saw me walking somewhere I shouldn't be they told me to get out of there. Whenever I saw them I always treated them with respect and they would have kicked my ass if I didn't. My uncles would see me and give me the last dollar from their pocket.

Your father is meant to teach you many things. Some of the things I learned outside my pop taught me. However it's often the job of the child to ignore what pop teaches me. He was too old and not cool enough to be able to tell me these things. He's the guy who took me to see Boys in the Hood and made sure I got the inner message that Trey stayed out of trouble because his father was around. He's the guy who makes the tough decisions and does the things to make you a good man some day. He makes the unpopular decisions that make you dislike him rather than the ones you like.

I want people to stop with the damn excuses. Everybody has role models. They come from all forms and they tell you the same things I've been told. Some of the things are good, some are bad, some are productive and some are useless, but we have to listen. We have to take responsibility for filtering. We can't smack a woman and say "My dad hit my mother". Grow your ass up and take personal responsibility for the things you've done.

This blog may not have the excitement of some others but these are my thoughts...get over it.

It's your clock...not mine

2009-11-06T10:28:00.000-08:00

I would like to begin with the idea that this blog has not been prompted by any individual person.

I understand that we live in a me world. Everyone things they are important which is part of the reason why we see people walking around constantly on the phone. However the thing that I've come to realize is that we don't respect other people's clocks.

I recall one day sitting, talking to my grandfather and he was telling me about a woman who expressed that it was "imperative" that he get back to her. He voiced his annoyance to me. It may be important to her but it might not be all that important to me (I didn't quote that because he used language not appropriate for use in my blog). I often return to that thought.

Just recently I have had my own trials with life. Some obstacles to overcome but the world doesn't seem to care about those. Frankly, I don't ask the world to care, just respect that maybe they rank higher on my priority list than does your bullshit. Just because you send me a text doesn't mean I have to respond right away. Especially if in the grand scheme of things, it's not that damn important. It ranks high as hell on your clock but not on mine. If it did, then I would have responded sooner. The thing we must know is that just because they don't handle it the way you want them to doesn't mean they won't get to it. It means they will when they have time...when the other stuff sifts out and they get to where your thing ranks.

I mean shit, I was on a bicycle and got hit by a damn car not even a month ago, do you really think your shit is more important to me than that? N to the izzo.

Funny thing about the bike story is that I actually had people get mad at me for missing meetings when it happened. Damnit I missed school, do you really thing I'm not going to miss your meeting? How about I run your ass over and tell me if you respond to every outlook invitation you get? Like grandpa says, "common sense is not common" or as I like to say "I'm trying to apply logic to an illogical situation".

I had someone tell me that I could have responded to their text by telling them I'm busy. Do I need to respond to that? Just read that and tell me if that makes sense. That's like getting mad at someone who went to the ER for standing you up.

If you send a text and the person doesn't respond, you wait. Eventually they'll get back to you. That doesn't mean you keep texting. That doesn't mean you begin emailing. That doesn't mean you call. That means you wait and keep going with your life. I have a life, part of it includes you and part of it doesn't. Just because you only care about the part that includes you doesn't mean the rest doesn't exist. It means you STFU and get on with your life. I'm not holding you up. I'll be damned if I let you hold me up.

Like I said, you don't have to make someone else's clock your clock, but you should respect the fact that theirs is completely different from yours. In the words of the one hit wonder Rocko "You just do you, Imma do me".

The fact that I had to actually write this blog should be filed in the category of absolutely ri-god-damn-diculous shit that should instead be obvious.

The angry black man

2009-09-28T12:01:00.000-07:00

I've been in the south a little over a month and most people are shocked that I haven't had more to write. However it's been a lot of smile in your face and pretend to be your buddy, so there's been nothing to express. We all know that can only last but so long before the real you comes out. Guess what folks the real you has come out. I've learned that I'm the angry black man. I've gone to two relatively highly ranked schools, who had a larger population of majority versus other. While going to these schools I've never been painted with the angry, lazy negro brush. However going along with public perception of the south the time is now.

Maybe it's me. Maybe it's the 10,000 Boston College students who never told me that's how I was looked at. Better yet, maybe it's the 500 University of Chicago GSB (it wasn't Booth when I was there so it's not Booth now) students who didn't paint me with that brush. I'm in a small southern school, where I am forced to dress the part. Yes I have to go to class dressed in business casual attire. I wore tims, white tees, air force ones, baggy jeans, north face coats, Boston oversized hats and had my headphones on but was never painted with that brush at either place. I wear argyle v necks, collared shirts, dress paints, and church shoes, but I am the angry black man.

I men a woman today who I discussed this with only to learn that she's the angry black woman. Her? Are you serious? Is that because she wraps her hair, speaks her mind and won't take your shit or is that because she's over 5'4", dark brown skin, and wraps her hair? Tell me it doesn't matter.

I was told that it's my job to fit in, speak up, and make sure I'm heard. The majority of the people reading this blog will laugh when they read that I need to speak up, or speak my mind. Some of you may even beg to meet the version of me that you've met. Maybe it's not me. Maybe it's not us.

Is the latino definitely going to stab you? Is the outspoken woman a bitch or lesbian? Is the big black man angry or lazy? The probability is actually no. The truth is that these may be true occasionally but the visual minority is what you know.

I'm a big, black, yankee, man who is living in a south that hasn't let go of the war. MF it's over. We's allowed to read now boss. Maybe I'm angry because I have to come to school and fight a fight that should be over damn it. Maybe I seem lazy because I'm 32 years old and see a bunch of millennials bickering about shit that isn't that important.

Maybe that Puerto Rican woman is just pissed that you just stared at her ass instead of listening to what she had to say. Yes before you say it, I looked at her ass, but she didn't catch me.

The point is that maybe you should actually step outside of your box, considering we step outside of ours every damn day, all day.

He tests us to make sure we are worthy

2009-08-25T19:10:00.000-07:00

There are times in one's life when we are tested. I've looked at my life many times and I swear these tests need to stop. It seems every time there's something good coming, I get slapped in the face with something else.

I have lost my mother, my aunts, an uncle, cousins, and one of my best friends. The list seems short when put this way but it's a lot longer. I've been told that some people thought I would just grow up to be a screw up (they clearly didn't know my mama). That was never an option. With that the three people in my life I am closest to are my brother, my grandfather and his wife. Believe me, I love many other family members, but these are the ones who motivate me. I continuously try to give my brother a good role model even though he's technically grown and I try to make the other two proud of me.

This time I was getting ready to move and re-begin my grad school career. I had everything lined up to go. I was excited, my family was ready to get me out of their house and then it happened. My grandfather took ill. This had happened before but without getting into detail this time was different to me. Although I knew he would never allow me to not leave for school the thought did cross my mind. If I could have my way my grandpa would live forever. Many people say that but come on, I've lost enough, I think it's not really all that unreasonable to desire.

I spent days at the hospital. Sleeping on the couch next to him, watching him sleep, ignoring projects that needed to be done before the move. I kept my mind open that he would get out of the hospital before I left. How could I leave my grandfather in the hospital? He's done so many things to take care of me. It's my turn. He's been there to help me talk about my mother and answer questions about what she would think of me now. He's put a foot in my ass when I needed and been there to hug me after. There was no way I could feel comfortable leaving with him not himself.

The Drs came daily and every time they would be ready to let him out of the hospital, there would be some set back. This came all the way up to 2 days before I was to leave. My birthday is coming up and all I wanted was for my grandfather to be out of the hospital. Yes, this was a selfish want but it's my want. I had friends who told me to have faith. Openly I had faith but quietly I just wondered what was the point to this test. I never denied or doubted my God but I sure did wonder what I was supposed to get out of this test.

Tuesday morning came and I had come to grips with the fact that I had to leave with my grandfather still in the hospital. So, I went on and ran my final errands, packed my clothes and got things in order so I could spend the afternoon and evening at the hospital. Then I got the call. My grandfather was coming home. There's an old saying, "He may not be there when you call him, but he's always right on time". Man, if that ain't the truth.

I've known people to pray for jobs, for money, for a good grade on a test, but those prayers weren't answered. I've prayed for people to live and those prayers weren't answered. However I truly believe God knows your breaking point and will push you to that point just to make sure you are grateful. Grateful for what you do have and what you need vs what you want. He'll push you to make sure you understand what's important. He'll push you to grow your faith. He'll push you until you fall to your knees and cry out "Why have you forsaken me?"

He has hurt you to your core, so that he may strip you of all obstacles. He needs to make sure you are completely bare, so that he may heal you at your inner most point. He needs to heal you so that it will last. Now it is our responsibility to realize when this has been done and to learn from it. Many of us have thanked God for something but not learned anything from the experience. If I don't learn from the test and blessing I was given...well I don't want to think about that.

Had this story had a different result would I feel the way I do? Probably not. That doesn't make me anything but flawed. If I were perfect I'd be Christ, not Christian.

You say he's just a friend...

2009-08-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many times I've spoken to someone and heard her say, "I'm going out with my best friend (insert name here) this weekend. But next week my other best friend and I are going to hang out". Now my first thought is, the grammatical impossibility that is having more than one best friends. Yet, I know of people who have 6 best friends. I place a high value on the term friend. Very few people are worthy. In fact most people fall into the category of acquaintance. However most of my friends are also the same sex.

The whole concept of friends of the opposite sex doesn't make sense to me. There are exceptions. My female friends fall into the category of people I went to school with or grew up with. These are women who I would never look upon in a sexual way. We didn't date, hook up, or anything like that. In fact the thought of that would never cross our minds. How can you look at someone who you are supposed to be able to be there for in an intimate way?

I'm 31 years old and the fact is that I'm pretty set on friends especially female ones. The difference between me and some men is that I'm willing to admit where I stand. Friendship is like a consolation prize to a guy. We see an attractive woman, we grasp the courage to hit on her just so we can hear "I just want to be friends". How the hell can you be friends with a strange man whose only basis for talking to you is your nice ass? However, that guy says yes. When he says yes, he's not trying to be your friend. He's biding his time. He's there when you ask for man advice, and if you haven't notice that advice always sounds like "He's playing you. I'm a guy, I know these things". Yet, because he's your "friend" that shit is like gospel.

Guys are not really all that deep. However women are. My cousin once explained to me to stay away from women who have all male friends. The reason is that the woman either likes the attention that the men give her, or she is full of shit and knows that women will see through it. A man are too busy staring at your cleavage and picturing you in his favorite position to hear a damn thing you say. He gives you the "smile and nod". The "smile and nod" is a look where he's using his active listening skills to offer you positive feedback and make sure you think he's listening. While all he actually hears is "oh daddy, right there".

This isn't rocket science. If you're going to a guy because we know can see through male bs, why wouldn't the same apply to women? Women know this is the case, they just choose to play naive.

I don't need my girl going to her guy friend to talk about some shit I did. In fact I've learned that people need to just keep their relationship business between them. That way when shit hits the fan there are only two people to blame. The guy that she goes to doesn't know me. He's not my friend. He's her friend. So why the hell would he say anything that goes in my favor?

When a man meets a woman she is classified by the number of drinks it would take for him to find her attractive. Based on that number he'll go in. The lower the number the more he'll go through for the opportunity. However, there's a break point. That's the point where he will respond with "nice meeting you" if she throws the friends thing out there. He comes to the conclusion that it's not really worth waiting around for.

Don't get me wrong there are woman who I have or haven't hooked up with that I'm cool with. However the probability is that if given the opportunity I would put it on them until I was sucked through the hole in the ozone layer.

I look at my female friends the same way I see my sister. You are my friend for life, or until you get married and your nazi husband doesn't allow you to speak to me anymore.

What percentage of your friends are male has become one of my first questions. Right around, "How many baby daddies do you have? When was the last time you smoked crack? and Have you ever read a book that didn't have pictures?" That male friend will be pulling her hair the next time you piss her off.

Is he or isn't he: The blog Terry McMillan should have read. Then she wouldn't be so damn angry.

2009-08-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

I made reference in a previous blog to people mistaking personal grooming for homosexuality. So, in the spirit of completion I will also provide you with better ways to tell if your significant other is gay.

There are various signs that people use. These are just a few that have come to be true in my travels. I've found out some people were gay after the fact and I've never been surprised. In fact two of my college classmates were on the down low before it was even a popular expression and I called that too. My gaydar is uber sensitive, so take this as gospel.

The first sign may seem to be the simplest but most women seem to miss this one. It's flat out the way they carry themselves. If dude seems to always be very sensitive, and very good at relating to women, the probability is that he's suspect. Seriously, I don't go making friends with women so I can have a shopping buddy. The only way I want to go shopping with you, is if I can get lap dances while you try stuff on. Other than that, buy it, wear it and I'll tell you I like it. It really is that simple. I'm not trying to talk to women about my women problems. The only way I want to hear about your man problems, is if I'm trying to hit that. Then I'm going to tell you how grimy your man is, so that eventually you'll leave and you can cry on my shoulder...during breaks.

If your man regularly uses a blender to make his drinks, need I say more? The blender comes out for one reason, chicks. No guy is going to use a blender for his own personal drink. No guy chillin with his boys is going to ask for a daiquiri. In fact, men will actually take into consideration what color the drink is. Aside from Latin men who seem to really like to drink sex on the beach. When I was a bartender at a Latin club, I swear I would just look at people sideways for that. I think it's a lame drink for a woman to drink, let alone a man. "Yes, I'd like to order the fisher price, my first alcoholic beverage." If one of my friends orders a blender drink and he isn't on a cruise ship or an island, oh you better bet he won't hear the end of it. Islands and cruises are the exception. No Martha's Vineyard, doesn't count as an Island.

This one isn't so much for women as it is for guys trying to find out if their homeboy is suspect. If every time you go out, dude requires you to cosign on every female he talks to, there should be questions. Either he's the most insecure mf in the world or he's suspect. This is his way of saying "Hey friend, look at the hot chick next to me. I'm not gay. If I were gay would I be molesting this woman and pretending to enjoy it oh so much". I know guys who make it a point to take pictures with millions of women just for the world to see.

Speaking of pictures, I would like to add another. This one isn't mine but that of someone who is an expert on gay boyfriends. If your man has what you would considering many albums on facebook or myspace that should be telling you something. Guys will generally have one album, maybe 3 if they want to break them up into "friends, family, bullshit" or something like that. When dude has 17 albums, that's telling you something. Guys don't even like looking at your damn photo albums. Yes we let you take them out and show us. If you were able to get in our head, the answer would be "Hell no, I don't want to see what you looked like in second grade". If we don't want to look at photo albums, do you think we want to sit there sifting through our pictures. Shit, I have pictures on my computer that occasionally surprise me. "When the hell did I take that picture?" "That's not my shirt." "How did that goat get there?" All things that you may have said while looking through your computer.

Listen, I see nothing wrong with homosexuality. In fact I wish more men would come out. This way I have fewer men going after woman. I get to stand out more. On the other hand, if you are gay then be gay. Damn, I have to be black and everybody knows it. If you're black and gay, well nobody is going to hate you more for being gay than being black so screw it. I mean shit I've met gay bigots. That's some shit. Anyways. I recently met a young man who was so thrilled to be out. He brought it up in random conversation. I said "Can you pass the bread please?" he said "I mean it felt so good when I came out". Imagine, if you allowed yourself to feel that bliss.

These are not the only signs but a few to watch for. For those who wonder if there is a gay NBA player...just watch Antoine Walker run and then you tell me.

Friends don't let friends dress like that...

2009-07-27T07:49:00.000-07:00

It's summer time in New England. Places that experience winter are going crazy right now. You've acquired clothing that you can only wear for 3 - 5 months. The rest of the year we are required to look like the abominable snow man just to go to the grocery store.

Maybe some point during the late stages of winter you were in a store and said to yourself, "Self, I really like that shirt. I know it doesn't fit, but I'm going to get in the gym, eat right and look sexy in that shirt this summer." I would like to inform you that "Self" is not a good friend. Self would have told you that you're not going to lose that weight. It's not going to look good on you. You have now bought a shirt that is just too damn small for your body. Instead of filing that one in the back of the closet, selling it on ebay or giving it to one of your more shapely friends, you decide to wear it. You rock that shirt the first warm day with pride. People look at you and you just know they are checking you out. Guess what? They're not. They are saying the same thing I am. What the hell was she thinking?

Guys don't think you're excused from this conversation. I enjoy going to a ball court and running a few games. I try to go to the gym as many times as a possibly can and I see you doing the same thing. Somehow under armour has made men think that if we wear a shirt tight enough it will suppress the rolls and turn them into muscle. Nope. It just mashes the rolls together so now your navel looks like a cave. It's not a good look. A friend of mine explained to me a rule of thumb for under armour. If you wear over a size 38, don't wear it. This is not for all under armour. You know exactly which style I'm talking about. The style that some guy was wearing who was jacked as hell and you were hating on him. You probably accused him of being on juice, then you went to the store and convinced yourself that it makes your chest look bigger. Instead all it does is show the world that men can get swamp tits.

The most important part of this is coming up. We've all heard this saying yet so many people fall don't follow it. "Just because they make it in your size doesn't mean you have to buy it". Understand your body. Realize that you don't have flat abs. In fact, you don't have abs. Some people have abs, others have a belly. There are clothes meant for everybody. If you have good friends they'll tell you not to wear it. However if you saw something on someone half your size and it looked great on that person, it's not going to look good on you. But wait there's more!!!! If you saw something on someone bigger than you and thought to yourself "damn if that's cute on her, I'll kill that outfit", you too my friend are wrong. You can be too small just as easily as too big. If you don't have the ass to hold it up, it just looks funny.

I saw a woman yesterday who had on one of those link belts over her black tights. Now those belts aren't meant to hold up a damn thing. Especially when it's pants that stretch. They are an accessory meant to accentuate some curves. Well she was a size 2...maybe even 0. Now yes, a woman can be small and have curves. If you don't believe me just look up Brazilians. However she had no ass, or even hips; shit the first curve I saw on her came at her knees. So, this belt just looks like she was shackled in a damn chain gang ready to lay some railroad.

Yes, maybe you don't care what I think. However I'm a guy. Guys will do a lot of things if we think we'll get laid. If we walk down the street, look at you and you give a glance that tells us we have a chance, you could look like a ninja turtle smacked in the face with a bag of nails, and we'll still go in. As my friend says "Oatmeal is better than no meal". However when the homeless man with one eye and a peg leg made of old rolled up newpaper is the only one to tell you how good to look in that outfit, it's time to let it go. When you feel like people are laughing at you, they are. When you walk past a group of people and you think they're staring at you, they are. All of these things aren't happening because oh you're so hot. It's because you are dressed in some bullshit.

Here's an easy way to figure it out. Ladies, if a man is with his woman and walks past you and he is slyly trying to look at you, then you look good. Wear your shit with pride, in fact Fabreze it and wear it again tomorrow. Also, if he walks by you and you hear a slap that echoes throughout the city. That means his significant woman caught him looking and she just left an imprint on his cheek. Now if dude walks past you, looks at you, doesn't care if he gets caught looking and quite possibly taps his woman to look at you also, run home change clothes and burn that outfit.

I already know that I'm going to step outside and see some West Indian guy with flip flops and socks immediately after I post this blog. Hey I can't fix the world, but I can laugh my ass off at it.

Crazy bitches...The Steve McNair survival guide

2009-07-20T09:30:00.000-07:00

So finally someone has exposed the world to the wonder that is crazy bitches. In the words of Kat Williams "I'm only using bitches because I don't know their names individually". No one person has caused me to write this blog so if you feel this is about you, take a step back, look in the mirror and say "Get over yourself" so that I don't have to.

We hear about how bad men are to women. People write books, movies, blogs, poems, etc about how bad men are to women. However nobody cares about the men. Nobody cares what men go through. Nobody cares that women stalk, prey, trap, lie, steal, and manipulate the hell out of men. I know people first hand who have gotten pregnant on purpose by "accidentally" missing a pill. You've been taking the damn pill for 15 years and now you get pregnant because a mf makes more than $25k. Cut it out. I don't believe that for one second.

Don't get me wrong, there have been time when women have been done dirty. Shit, I've done some things to women that I'm not proud of. It's generally been because I have been too bitch ass to just say "PTFO(peace the Eff out)". However as you will see below that doesn't justify crazy behavior. This blog isn't about that though, this is about how to identify your crazy woman, or for women how to tell if you're crazy.

ps this applies to women identifying crazy men too

Let's begin with the cell phone. If your significant other ever feels compelled to look at, through or into your phone it's time to go. Those are the beginning signs that she is crazy. She is insecure about something you or someone else has done and feels the need to either reaffirm her insecurities. This will not stop if she finds nothing, no she will continue to look until she finds something. At which time she will confront you and ignore the fact that she just violated your privacy. She will use the fact that she found something as justification.

This leads to the next point of justification. If at any point she feels justified in her actions by something you did, you need to get out. There is no justification for crazy behavior. If she feels these urges, she should leave rather than partake in crazy activities. The justification just demonstrates that she accepts these acts as normal and will continue to do them despite you confronting her on them. You can't repent acts that you justify.

Next on the never-ending list is called "operation interrogation". If you feel that your significant other needs you to report in then you should get out. The reporting in complex will only get worse with time. It may start with lines like "You didn't tell me you were going to..." eventually it will turn to "Where are you going, with who, what will you be doing and what time will you return". By the time it gets to that point it's too late. You need to identify the problem before you get too tied it.

Now there are many signs to the crazy bitch. These are just a few and some of the more obvious. These generally are the early signs and you can pick up on them before you get too attached. The reality is men are sexually driven. We get used to consistent sex with someone we enjoy being with and we can't imagine being without it. So when we get bothered by these things women know us well enough to just get nekkid and put it on us thus, removing our ability to rationally respond to anything. Once this happens by the time we do realize what's happened and get out the crazy stuff happens. The phone calls, the myspace/facebook stalking, the embarrasing phone calls to people asking "how do you know (insert name here)". Yes I speak from experience and don't act like you've never been through this or done it. Everyone reading this has been on some side of this nonsense.

The difference between being the man in the situation and being the woman is that people feel bad for the woman dealing with the crazy guy. You can go to police, fire, shit you can call on Tyrone. But for men, we can't. We go to the police and get laughed at. We call anybody they ask what we did to cause the situation. I didn't stalk your ass so you don't need to stalk me. I did nothing to you that warranted this activity. Steve McNair isn't right for cheating but damn did he deserve to die for it? No. She could have called, said, "You will no longer be getting any of this Iranian Milkshake that brings all the boys to the yard". He would have said "But baby please...baby baby baby, please" She would have said "Hell to the Nizzaw" and he would have found another groupie to do that thing his wife doesn't do.

If you've done any of this get some new friends because good friends would tell you, you're crazy. If you've had this done, learn from your mistakes and remember, good sex last a few seconds/hours/minutes/even a weekend, but a stalker lasts at least a few months, the jokes you will fall victim to because of the stalker last way longer than that. Just ask Steve McNair if he saw the signs.

You'll thank me later.

No. You're not that hot.

2009-07-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

I promised two blogs this week and I will deliver. Now I preface this by letting you know that the words expressed by the blogger are not necessarily those of the person. These are merely observations set into words in a manner to get people interested. Don't come screaming to me because your feelings are hurt. Read the first blog to explain that you also don't have to read, but I know it's like adult store. You don't want people to know you go but you can't stay away.

So in the course of a week I communicate with all types of people. People of different races, body types and ages. There are various countries represented and a broad range of ages and socioeconomic classes. However there is one universal truth people often lie to themselves. I looked in the mirror the other day and realized that as much as I had worked hard in the gym the day before I'm fat. My stomach protrudes and I don't have so much as a 2 pack, nevermind a 6er.

Now, I know this about myself. I go to the gym and work on my fitness to fix this. In the meantime I try to make up for it by being charming, entertaining, funny, etc. All to add to the personality factor. I make sure my grooming is up and I keep my clothes in order relatively well. I realize flaws and until I eliminate that flaw I do things to distract people from it. What I don't understand is people who don't realize these things.

I know people who by any standard are big people. They pretend like they aren't. They'll even talk about how they are getting big. No, you are big. There's no such thing as being big boned. If that was the case next time I get a steak I want a small boned cow so that I can get extra meat(that's the fat man talking). Just because someone may be bigger than you, doesn't have any impact on the fact that you're big. Now you can take two paths. I have a cousin, who recognizes that she is a big woman and she makes herself a diva. Men are attracted to her and she embraces this aspect of herself. I do worry about her overall health in the long run but I don't question her confidence or her self awareness. The other path is to realize it and fix it. I have an acquaintance who realized her problem, worked out as best she could and when she stopped getting results regardless of her efforts she sought out medical options. I don't support surgery as a replacement for fitness but I do support it to augment your personal efforts.

Please don't think this is limited to people being big. Hell to the Nizzaw. We can take this into a more intimate area. The bedroom (or whichever room you like), is an area where people lie lie lie to themselves. I've heard people talk about how they're the best at this and that. If their partner doesn't respond it's never their fault, it's their partners fault. There is no such thing as the universal best. Everybody likes something different and it's your job to figure out what your partner likes. Maybe you suck to the person you're with right now and he/she likes something else. Learn what he/she likes and start doing that. Ask questions, because as of right now, the word on the street is that you are flat out terrible.

I know people who whenever I talk to them I hear about how this guy wants them and they got hit on today. I do realize it's possible but it's also possible that he was looking at the girl next to you. I know there have been times when I've caught myself staring at someone because they really needed a dentist(nice teeth go a long way with me). You telling me who wants you doesn't convince me. In fact it just makes me roll my eyes. I like my eyes where they are, so please stop making me roll them.

I do have a friend with an interesting philosophy that goes along with my blog. I find it funny but remember this is not my idea, regardless of whether I may agree nor disagree. If you are with someone who you know outranks you, you need to compensate. By outranks he means, is basically considered an overall better catch than you. You know that he/she could do much better than you but you probably couldn't do better than them. By compensate he means you should either be very open minded, maybe find a side boyfriend for your girl so that she doesn't cheat with way better looking men. Maybe you can buy him sneakers every day or basically pay for everything. You can be extremely accomodating. Where I draw the line is that in no way should you sacrifice your own self worth. Don't put yourself in the way of harm because of someone else. Don't allow yourself to be flat out disrespected but yes you should be willing to do damn near anything because you know where you really stand.

Think about the last time you walked down the street and saw some ass ugly guy with an insanely hot girl. You thought to yourself "either he is a rock star in bed, or he's rich". You know you do because I think that every time I see an attractive woman with any man who isn't me. He has to make up for it somehow.

People often get upset with me because they ask me a question and I give the honest answer. I may not volunteer this truth but if asked I'll give it. My family is an honest one and we are breed to have thick skin. If you care about someone enough you should care enough to be able to tell them the truth when asked.

What would you rather have as a friend? The friend who supports everything and tells you how great you are even as you're jumping off of the building or the friend who tells you honestly how bad a decision you're making and pulls you off of the ledge. I know which one I am.

What you want to hear

2009-07-05T20:28:00.000-07:00

Back to the dating adventures of ME. I know I'm a little late with the blog this week but I'll probably write two this week to make up for it.

I actually had to read through some of my older blogs to make sure I haven't written about this before and to my surprise I haven't. Well sort of. I wrote about sincerity but not this aspect of it.

I'm 30 something years old and single. Never married, no kids, blah blah blah. That makes me a professional dater. Now the interesting part of having been a professional dater that makes me more of an expert on male - female interactions than any married man.

As a single male there have been plenty of times when I've gone long periods of time without seeing my significant other. A long period could be anything from a few days to months, depending on the dynamic and distance involved in the relationship. That means you're forced to have many phone conversations in between. Even if that conversation is just a few mins where you ask about eachothers day then experience the awkward silence it's still an obligation that one must fulfill. During that conversation you generally hear these words, "Do you miss me?". Now here's the problem. I'll just be honest with you, I hate that shit. If I wanted to tell you I miss you and mean it, you just took away the sincerity. If I say it now, it's because you want to hear it. That is unless I never want to be with you again, then I could say "no".

I might have been feeling it and waiting for the right moment to tell you I miss you but now you've taken that away. I've even told women that I don't like it, and they still do it. This isn't because they don't know if I miss them, it's because they need to hear it. I don't want to hear anything that you're not compelled to say on its own merit. I'd much rather hear nothing than anything just because.

Are you so in need of external gratification that you don't care what it is that I want? Are you so in need of external praise that you don't care if it's sincere?

Don't be mistaken, this isn't limited to women. In fact I've probably done it before. Although I can honestly say I can't recall ever asking if I'm the best, I've heard plenty of stories about men asking if they are. "Girl this is the best ever isn't it", "Where do I rank" etc. We ask if we're the best looking, best dressed, most desired and so on. Does it matter? You are together. The reality is that she/he wants you. The rest doesn't really matter. If they wanted someone else they would be with someone else. Get over it.

I can't even say I won't ever do this again because, I'll probably do it tomorrow (regardless of when you read this). When I do it, I might tell the person that I'm not feeling that they put me on the spot just so they can hear it, then again I might not. Either way I don't think anybody reading this blog is going to stop asking questions that they don't want the true answer to.

Many of my older family members taught me at a young age, don't ask a question that you don't want the true answer to. Hey if you don't ask me I won't have to lie to you.

Just another rich guy

2009-06-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

Today is the day after the death of the King of Pop. Michael Jackson is dead. I have heard people crying over this. Everybody is talking about it. I even know someone who called out of work because she was so upset.

I'm sorry folks but this is ridiculous. Michael Jackson died in 1988. The Michael Jackson we know and love died when his hair caught on fire during the filming of a pepsi commercial. He changed who he was, lost the curl, bleached his skin, and began diddling. He has become a mere shadow of the person he once was, living and making money on his own legacy.

Frankly Michael Jackson isn't worth a blog, however what is worth my words is the fact that I heard someone refer to Michael Jackson as her hero. I mean seriously folks is that what we have become? I remember the greatest words uttered by Charles Barkley are the infamous "I am not a role model". Are we so in need of role models that we will just grab someone who used to be able to sing and dance and call him our hero? There are plenty of heroes out there without having to apply the label inappropriately.

Celebrities are total strangers. They have no idea who you are, nor do they care who you are. If you died tomorrow your favorite celebrity wouldn't even have a second thought about it. You wouldn't be on the news and aside from in your immediate circles you wouldn't be water cooler talk either. You'd just be dead. End of story. My heroes are my grandfather, his wife, my father, my mother, my aunts and uncles. There may be a few work mentors sprinkled in there and some advisors I've had. Those are heroes. Those are people who had a direct impact on decisions I've made and things I've done. R. Kelly is not my hero. When I decide that I want to add peeing on teenage girls to my resume then the Pied Piper of R&B will be like Ghandi to me.

I mean, yes Christin Milian is sexy as hell. I would probably be willing to undergo a great many painful things to spend some quality time with her. However if she was shot tomorrow, she would get nothing more than a "damn that sucks...and I never even got to meet her".

What great contribution to society did Michael make? He sang in "We are the world" whoop de do. He made some of my favorite songs. I'll put "Off the wall" against any album anywhere, any time. However he didn't do anything socially or politically to help the world. In fact I'd argue that he did more harm than good to the dozens of childrens lives he ruined. Yes I do think he did something wrong. Maybe not molesting but some inappropriate touching did take place.

He's not a hero. The parents of those children should be heroes but they lost their jobs also. They relinquished their rights to be hero when they put their children in harms way. When they were so caught up in the money and fame that they allowed a stranger to spend alone time with their child. I'd slap my sister if she allowed anybody that nobody knew to be alone with my nieces. Fame doesn't make you special. Like a childhood friend of mine said "he's just another dead rich guy".

My hero is Jesus. He sacrificed himself for my sins. Michael Jackson took a few ass whippins from Joe. I think Michael needed a few more and maybe he wouldn't have been diddling.

It's a damn pet

2009-06-16T19:18:00.000-07:00

Finally a sports related topic...well sort of. I'm sitting here looking at my computer and reading how a Stallworth will serve 30 days in jail and a long probation period from mowing a man down while driving under the influence. The irony here is that while this was being talked about, Michael Vick is being released from prison and serving home confinement. The Stallworth story has received minimal coverage while Vick has been and will continue to be all over the television.

PETA took Mike Vick and ran with it. They made him the poster child for anything that has happened to an animal. However let's discuss the fact that these animals have been taken out of their natural habitat. domesticated and forced to serve as our pets. There is no animal that was created for the purpose of being a cuddle partner. The damn dog doesn't really want to run and chase after a Frisbee no matter how fast he may wag his tail. This is unnatural.

This man was crossing the street after working an overnight shift on his way home. Stallworth got in his car intoxicated, sped home and ran him over. People have tried to use intent as defense but guess what? If you get into your car drunk and drive home you have eliminated intent as a defense. We are inundated with information about drunk driving. We have MADD, SADD and whatever else ADD things there may be. So many of us know someone who has been killed by a drunk driver. Yes, I've driven drunk as have many of you reading this. Thank goodness I have never injured anybody but I had the misfortune of a personal experience with one of my best friends. After that event I can honestly say I am a significantly more responsible drinker.

Does MADD need to start throwing car parts and shot glasses at us while we walk down the street for people to know this is serious. Go the PETA route of being an extremist group, and vilify anybody who doesn't share their beliefs. That won't work, because for some reason people love animals more than we love ourselves. We love them so much that we take them out of their natural habitat for our entertainment.

I've known people who have been willing to subject other people to crippling allergies because of a pet. I've known people to subject themselves to allergies because of pets. I've known people who would keep their animal inside because it was cold outside. The damn thing has fur. Then they would send someone else out in the same weather to walk to the store for a kit kat. I had a manager who was in a meeting with one of my clients. The client mentioned how he would have to leave work early due to his sick child. My manager then mentioned how his kid was sick at home as well and had to go to the vet. How the hell do you compare a sick cat to a sick child? People have actually attempted to empathize with the passing of my mother with the passing of their dog. After thoughts of slapping the shit out of them were suppressed I just walked away. Let's go through this. A dog dies, you're sad, and you can eventually buy a new dog; same breed, color, if you so choose even the same name. A person dies, you can't just go to the store and pick up a new one.

Yeah I think I want a new mom today, so I'm going to head over to Target and get a new one. Target has everything doesn't it.

I've loved every pet I've ever had and was somewhat sad when it was time to say good bye to the animal for some reason or another. I also understand that it's a pet. In fact in my wording alone you understand..."it". How would you feel if someone referred to you as an "it"? Exactly.

I am by no means for the cruel treatment of animals, but I also respect and appreciate the value of human life. If you want to do something nice for animals, teach them how to function in their natural habitat, stop putting pink scarfs and ribbons on them and stop putting them in little bags like they're a damn accessory.

It's a me world

2009-06-10T23:35:00.000-07:00

So I'm up late, not able to sleep and I am actually looking out of my window. I'm staring out there reflecting on what has been an interesting week or so.

I joke with a friend that I occasionally need to be slapped back into reality. There are times when I give people too much credit and I needed this week to get back into that reality. I remember my college days, learning about whether humans are innately good or not and what is the virtuous man. Well I don't believe humans are good but I also don't think humans are malicious. We are selfish. The first rule of human nature is self preservation. We all know this...yay to me for pointing out the obvious. Still, the reality is that we often forget that.

Think about some time when you were given a piece of information. Maybe you heard someone say, "Just being the man/woman I am, I thought you had the right to know", or maybe it was "I just couldn't sleep knowing that you deserve to know this". People aren't that good. People don't do things for the benefit of others unless in some way it benefits them. We will always do what is best for us.

I can recall a situation where I was given information about a relationship I was in. I was awakened by a phone call in which the person on the other end said to me, "You need to know that your girlfriend is cheating with (insert name here)". I took that information, called my girlfriend and asked her flat out. She then told me that wasn't the case and I went back to sleep. I could have assumed the person on the phone was being truthful but I took it head on and asked the question. I ended up getting cheated on anyhow but the point is the person who called did have an alterior motive. She was interested in the man that my girlfriend was cheating with. That's selfish. She didn't think of the impact that it would have on anybody but herself. If she did then she probably would have shared that information in a more effective way.

This isn't limited to information exchange or gossip. This could be something as simple as throwing a nice pass in basketball or telling a joke. Many athletes have been referred to as being selfless for passing or participating in acts that benefited the team first. That's bull. They were doing what was needed to win and they enjoy winning. Some people enjoy stats others enjoy wins. It's the job of the team to find people whose m/o is in line with the overall team strategy. I've poked fun at people who didn't really care for what I was saying, however other people laughed. Now I was just trying to be funny at the expense of the person I was picking on but I didn't really care whether they found it funny. Instead I was glad to make myself and a few other people laugh. Just because our friends find us funny doesn't make us funny. It just means we surround ourselves with people who think like us.

Now don't get me wrong. There are plenty of people out there who do things for the greater good. While those people deserve a pat on the back and a hand shake, are they different? No. They are doing this because they enjoy the feeling they get from doing the deeds they perform. Different would be doing something that you completely hate, will feel terrible about afterwards, but doing it anyways even though you'll get no gain. I've tried to come up with an example, but I can't. For a second I thought the time I saw that damn movie even though I knew I would hate the movie, but I knew she would love it, but that didn't work because my benefit was knowing that I wouldn't have to hear bitching for the next few days. Not hearing someone bitch is priceless...don't you forget it.

Some times we do have to prioritize someone else. It's just a simple part of life. We do things we don't want to do in order to make someone else feel better. I honestly believe if more people realized the benefit they would get from prioritizing the needs of someone else rather than focusing on their own we would be much better off. Is it wrong if you do the right thing for the wrong reason? I'm a results oriented person. In the words of Bill Parcells, "Don't tell me about the labor pains, just show me the baby".

I've learned that if you don't expect people to care about what's important to you, you'll be appreciative when they do. The more appreciative you are, the more likely they'll want to see you feel that way again.

Black people can't have anything

2009-06-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

So, I've been struggling to come up with a topic. Just when I'm close to giving up hope I settle in check my email and remembered a couple videos that were sent to me. One video that was sent many of you may have seen. It's a video that consists of several Japanese adolescents dancing to dancehall in a fashion similar to that of many youtube clips that has actual Jamaicans. I say Jamaicans because the rest of the West Indies has enough sense not to act up.

The next video I recall is of a Korean gospel choir. This choir can blow...damn. But I have no idea what they're saying. The video then has the nerve to mention that they're single in "African American" style.

Next is a video I mentioned in the last blog. Whooty!!! This is a song "Whooty, a white girl with a booty". Now we all remember Ludacris mentioning "New phenominon, like white women with ass", but a whole song dedicated to it...come on damnit! I mean the booty was exclusive to black women until people began to discover the latin and Brazilian community. However the idea of white women have a badunkadunk was outrageous. Now that's been jacked.

The last one is not a youtube video at all. Now despite the fact that black people take ownership of hip hop if you were to name the top 20 rappers of all time you would be hard pressed to deny Eminem's lyrical ability. He may not make the greatest tracks in the world but line for line, I'll put him against anybody in the game. He can spit, flat out. Now add to that equation the top 5 rappers of all time. Most sane people would put Nas in that list. Nas was kicked to the curb by the entire industry. The only person who would "put him on" was MC Serch. Yes, the same Serch who made "Gas Face" then later in life brought us The White Rapper Show, brought us one of the greatest MCs of all time.

Stolen culture, music, body and God and stole a whole country but we're the criminals depicted on the news. I want to see the forefathers on Cops. "Next on Americas most wanted, Christopher Columbus. He stole a country and got a bullshit holiday for it".

I'm black. I thank God every day for making me black. Everybody hates black people. A comedic skit mentioned that white people in Jersey and Boston call black people "Mondays"...why? Because nobody likes Mondays. At the same time this all shows that everybody wants to be black. White men want black women, white women want black men, suburban kids dress like they just finished watching 106 and Park, the jewfro and white dudes even love King Magazine. I even had a white person hand me a cup of red kool aid. What's next, jewish people with bad credit?

My grandfather always says, soon the whole country will be multi-racial, and we'll start to discriminate by shoe size. Imagine that, "Boy you can't come in here with them size 13. You best get to steppin". Yes, I'm black and proud. Aside from a history of anger, hatred, and oppression what will that get me?

PS if anybody responds to this with "Well you should be happy because you have a black president" I'll slap you. Oppression isn't dead it's just hiding behind a recession.

Too old for this

2009-05-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

I was 19 years old and was at a club in RI known as Confettis. I was dancing with someone, looked up and it happened. My pop's friend was in the same club dancing with some girl and he waved at me. After waving, he looked at the girl I was dancing with, smiled and said "Hell yeah, you go" with a nod of approval. Oh hell no! Three, maybe 4 years later I was in a club we in Providence called Hoevans, but was actually named Jovans. I was chillin, spittin that hot fire for the night. I had probably collected 2 numbers by the time event number 2 happened. I was at the bar talking what was obviously a club regular and this guy who used to play flag football with my pop walked up to me. He interupted the conversation to proceed to point out how he remembers when I used to run around the field and they would beat me up. Are you kidding me? Did he want her number? All he had to do was tell me he was trying to get with her and I would have left it alone, but damn you don't have to completely shit on my game like that.

That's what has brought me to my current theory that I am too old to be in the club. I'm 31 years old, soon to be 32. I have a younger brother whose diapers I changed. My memory stretches back to things that happened in the year 1982 and maybe 81 if I try hard. Well if someone is 21 years old right now, that means they were born in 1988. In 1988 I was already 11 years old, in 6th grade. I was able to do algebra, and had participated in a mock election of president Bush vs Dukakis. The point to all that is, I can't be in a club with someone born in a year I can remember.

I remember being in the club looking around at the over 30 year olds laughing and saying, "There's no way I'll be the old man in the club". You should have nothing in common with a 21 year old...well almost nothing. However you don't need to be in the club to accomplish the almost. If you happen to just want to look then go to youtube and search on "Edubb Whooty". You'll thank me later.

I was invited to a lounge with a friend a few months back. We stood there talking, and drinking. During this time there was naturally music in the background. However the music was terrible. Soulja boy should not be playing anywhere I stand. In fact I'd rather listen to Sweet Caroline 1000 times before 1 Kiss me through the phone. At least sweet Caroline means I'm probably drunk already, especially if I start singing "oh oh oh". Yes, every guy loves the sight of a young ass, perky breasts and short clothing, but have you ever tried to have a conversation with one of these club chicas? Well I have and, it made me hope that she isn't a future leader. Otherwise I'm moving to Canada tomorrow. If she happens to do nails, or give massages then, maybe we can work with that.

Think back to when you were younger and looked at that guy in the club who maybe looked young but you knew he was too old. He was out of place, trying to get some young tail and ended up spending money recklessly on drinks for the girls he was working on. Do you want to be that guy? I sure as hell don't. There is one reason young women want older men, and it's not because they're mature for their age. It's money damn it. You're older, fatter, hairier or lacking hair, and more set in your ways. They don't want to deal with that shit unless you can buy them something, take them somewhere or expose them to something.

Everybody get over it and get out of the damn club. You're too damn old for that shit.

Who's the man?

2009-05-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

I know some of you expected these to be a bit less serious than they have been. Not all of my blogs will be heart wrenching or thought provoking. Sometimes I take pride in my blatant ignorance.

This week’s window is also called the mirror.

I was looking at the mirror shaving, and getting ready for my usual grooming day. This is the day when I get my haircut, as well as various other grooming practices. However because of these habits I have been called a metro-sexual and even had my sexual preference questioned.

This had led me to wonder who defined what makes a man straight. Is a man straight because he works on cars, has dirty nails, and smells like lawn products? Is a man gay because he uses shea butter soap, wears cologne and gets a facial? The answer to this is no to both.

I grew up in a family full of women. My mother was a model, and the women in my family took great care to groom me into a pretty decent man. However the men in my family all prided themselves on being ladies men, Casanovas or players. I was told what's ok in fashion, how to put colors together and how dirty nails are not a "good look". I've heard women talk about how a man who takes his shirt off and still has a sweater isn't sexy, and body hair is gross. I've heard women talk about how their man smells terrible or his cologne is way too strong. Yet, I can't recall hearing a woman say, "Damn my man is just too clean".

Let's be honest. Men wouldn't do many of the things we do if it weren't for women. Men get dressed, shave and shower because we love women. We look through our closets at what to wear with hopes that we may run into a woman at some point and are ready to "spit hot fire". We've all seen a woman, looked at her then ourselves and wished we'd worn something different so that we would feel comfortable trying to go in.

Now look at the things I just mentioned. If a man does all of these things on a daily basis instead of just one weekends, we come up with names for him. Metro-sexual is a term that was created by dirty, ugly, wack ass men to make well groomed, clean cut, and nice smelling men feel badly about ourselves. I wax my eyebrows. Yes, there I've said it. I don't do it because it feels good. I don't do it because it's fun. I do it because women don't want a man with one damn eyebrow. Bert from Sesame Street was not a mack. In fact I wish people had told me earlier in life about this, then I wouldn't have to go around burning old picture, where I sport my unibrow with pride. (Although, I secretly thank Al B Sure for the few years I had where people thought I did it on purpose.)

In fact one could argue that men who do go the extra mile to keep their "shit tight", only do so because those men love women more than the men who won't put forth that effort. Let's look at the whole "Downlow" phenomenon. Most of us can say we know someone where we've said, "I would have never guessed". That's not the guy who was clean cut, super smooth and suave. It was the guy with the beer belly, dirty shirt and scruffy beard. It was the guy who you saw changing his own oil a few weeks before then.

Sexuality is not a fashion or style. It's not determined based on your color scheme or fashion sense. Regardless of whether you believe it's a decision or in ones DNA, it's not something you can see. Guys remember this; Nino Brown stabbed Christopher Williams because he was a "pretty mf'er". That makes Nino Brown a hater. Nino Brown could have easily asked Christopher Williams to take him shopping and recommend a new barber.

The best thing to happen

2009-05-13T12:45:00.000-07:00

I'm sure most people who know me expected this week to be about my mother. Yes Sunday was Mother's day and Thursday marks the 18 year anniversary of the passing of my mother. I miss her dearly and wonder many things about what my life would be like had she been here.

I stood in line at CVS waiting to fill a prescription behind a woman who was standing there with her two children. One child had a runny nose, messy hair and dirty clothes on. The other child was half hanging out of the stroller, grabbing things off of the shelf and had eye crust. However of course, mom was on the phone, not paying attention, talking smack to someone with her hair and nails done, dressed like she was on her way to the club even though it was noon. It made me think of something my grandfather always says..."Parents aren't neccessarily the best thing to happen to their children".

I look back at my mother. My mother died when I was 13 years old and she taught me everything I needed to know to be a productive citizen in 13 years. Most of what she taught me involved a foot in my rear, but that's what I needed. My mother taught me that it was ok for a man to cry, but also that he needs to be able to be strong as well. She taught me to handle my business and to take care of myself before trying to handle everything for everyone else. She taught me how to love myself before trying to love anybody else.

All of the lessons I learned seem second nature to me, but when I look around I see a world where that is lacking. I've been a big brother for 7 years now and I have seen him grow as a young man. However, I've also watched him be a role model for his younger brother. I admire him for that. I look back and wonder if I was as good an older sibling as he is. He loves his brother and his brother loves him. He watches and takes care of himself and his brother and the two of them will grow up to be great.

On the otherhand I run into people on a weekly basis who don't love themselves. Women who have allowed men to step all over them, degrade them, and abuse them physically as well as emotionally. All because they don't love themselves. Men and women who remain in relationships with someone they have no business doing so simply because they aren't happy alone. If you aren't happy alone them you will never be happy together. It makes me think of a part in the movie Belly when T-Boz's character says to DMX girlfriend, that he and Nas's character are happy together because she is happy with herself.

If you're in a relationship out of need then you put someone else in power and they are in a position to take advantage. Are you really happy that way? I saw a 3 year old boy one day with crust in his nose so thick I was struggling to imagine how he could breathe. I took a tissue and wiped his nose. When most children would cry because they don't want you to clean out their nose, he looked at me and said thank you. Imagine that. I could only think that he was thanking me for doing this because he was thankful for the care that goes into cleaning his nose.

As a society, we've removed the ability for parents to physically discipline their children because a group of people go overboard. I was beaten as a child and that was out of love. That was because she loved me too much to allow me to grow up with bad habits. After every disciplinary action taken I was told "I love you", I was also told "I only do this because I love you". I thought that was bs. I would think to myself, " You could buy me something and I'd think you love me too". However once she passed I understand what she meant by that.

Look at yourself and think back to your own upbringing. Either you feel loved or you don't but one way or the other you'll know what was great or missing. If I am blessed to have children I hope to make my children feel loved. This impacts them for the rest of their lives. How they interact with everyone and everything. How they handle adversity; whether they rise to the occasion or feel bad for themselves.

I love my mother and my mother loved me. I hope that some day my children look back at their childhood and say "I love my father and my father loved me", without doubt or hesitation. If that happens, then my life is a success because I will have made a successful contribution to society.

I would like to end this by saying, I live every day wondering if I am making my mother proud. I wonder what she would change, what she would have liked me to do differently, or if she is simply in heaven shaking her head at the person I am. If you have the chance to ask, then do so. Ask if you are living the vision your parents had for you.

I apologize if this doesn't flow smoothly but this is emotions and sometimes emotions aren't eloquent but mine are genuine.

Do you mean it

2009-05-05T14:30:00.001-07:00

It's a bit rainy today, so looking out of the window is a challenge. I see rain, clouds, and lots of gray. Then my eyes wander down and I see two people having a conversation. It looks like a couple having an argument.

Now I've had my share of arguments and they tend to end in someone saying "I'm sorry". The person who said it might not mean it when they say it but they know the other person wants to hear it. Why do we say things we don't mean? Have we as a society lost our ability to be sincere? I often wonder this very thing.

I was in a meeting not too long ago, discussing relationships. During this conversation we came to realize the expectations we have of our friends. Mine was that people are consistent. I don't care who or what you are. As long as you are consistent I can handle you. I know what to expect. I know where you stand and I know how you'll react. I have this friend in my life whom I consider to be the most sincere person I have ever met. She is a good person with a great heart. She has provided me with the gold standard of what sincerity is.

Sincerity is when someone does something without expectation. If I loan you money, I am not going to call you repeatedly asking you when you can pay me back. I loan you the money realizing you need it and I have no expectations when I'll get it back. In fact I don't even expect it back. When you do pay me back it's just a bonus. Sincerity is when you do something for someone without expectation of reciprocity, praise, or condition. You do it because you want to.

If I bring up that I loaned you money some time down the line when I am asking you for a favor that you declined am I sincere? In my opinion the answer is “no”. Each deed is determined by it's own merit. I can't count the number of times someone has done or said something to me, just to reference the thing that they did later on when they asked me for something. I can't count the number of times someone has told me they are being there for me but I won't allow them to.

Being there for someone isn't about your conditions. Being there for someone is about being there the way they need you. They may need you to give them a hug, shut up and listen, or talk them down. Maybe they don't need you at all. Just because you offer up your services doesn't make you deserving of praise.

The next time you're close to doing what you may consider a good deed, decide whether or not you're doing so with condition or whether you're just doing because you want to do it. If you decide that you have expectations of any kind, don't bother. Keep that one in your pocket until you get over yourself. There is only one judge and he is God. What you call your God doesn't matter. What does matter is that you don't judge or put condition on the things you do. You're not that important. It's not your life to make the decisions in. I control the only person I can, and that's me.

I'll be fake

2009-04-29T08:55:00.000-07:00

So my first confession is that I'm not looking out of my window coming up with this one. This has come from multiple observations over time.

Yesterday I was walking into my building with a massive black therapeutic boot on my leg. A young man, approximately 22 years old, was in front of me. As we both walk toward the elevators, he presses the "up" button and quickly jumps in the elevator. The young lady he was walking with asks him if he is going to hold the door open for the guy with the boot on his leg, He responds "Hell no". The door closes and I stand there.... pissed.

I'm not pissed because I missed the elevator. I'm pissed because he was rude.

I am a professional people watcher. I love to observe everyday interaction and see how people naturally respond to each other. I watch people walk down the street, screaming into their cell phone's, texting while standing next to someone else, all the while having no actual interaction with the world surrounding them. I often wonder if technology is really that great.

Take a second to look back at your childhood. Think of how many people said things that implied the generation you're in has no manners. Well, I'm 31 and the group behind me has me saying it. I've spent time in elevators with 4 people who are all together and texting. No communication with each other (at least verbal communication). Why hang out with someone you don't want to speak to? Kids have no imagination. Ask a kid to go outside these days and it's punishment. I remember summer days where I would wake up, get dressed and go outside, not to return home until the street lights came on.

In my dating adventures, I have actually grown to hate cell phones. Unless you are a Dr you really don't need to answer your phone while we're at dinner. Nothing is that important. The world existed fine before cell phones. Someone would call you; if you weren't home they would leave a message. When you returned home, you got said message and responded. Amazing.

Set your phone down some day and go out without it to see how you feel. If you're anxious, it's time for you to seek therapy. You have reached the point the Matrix speaks of. Machines are running your life and unless you happen to be good friends with Neo, maybe you should ease up on that. If I have to be Morpheus, I'm going to pop you in the mouth when I go to unplug you.

I have also learned in dating that if I do chivalrous things, such as open a door or pull the chair out, I get looked at like a circus chimp. I'm thanked for doing things that just fall in line with common decency. I shouldn't be praised for having manners. In fact, I often hear people say, "well I could have lied". So are you saying that I should thank you for telling me the truth? You don't thank your lungs for working do you? No, because that's what they're supposed to do, dumb ass. You're supposed to be decent, honest, polite, etc. It takes a conscious effort to be rude.

The last point may be the most near and dear to my heart. It has to do with keeping it real. What is keeping it real? I had someone tell me how real she is and that's why she's single. Guys can't handle how she's real. Yeah she's real single. Keeping it real isn't being belligerent just for the hell of it. Keeping it real isn't telling someone how much you don't like him or her, or find them unattractive. That's rude. That's not real. If keeping it real means I have to be a thug, be rude, be a bum, or be a bigger asshole than I already am, then I prefer being fake. Shit Barack Obama is the President and he's fake as a mf based on that, so I would like to thank you in advance for pointing out my fakeness.

I started this entry with the thoughts of how rude the generation behind mine is. However, my generation isn't any better and can pretty much take responsibility to setting the standard that the generation behind us has lived up to. As we venture into parenthood, I hope we see those rude kids, who you want to choke in the grocery store, or the brat walking down the street telling his mother to shut up and realize that we have a responsibility to make sure our kids are not that kid. I was more afraid to act up outside of my house than in my house. Had my mother ever heard or seen me acting up in front of other people...I cringe thinking about that ass whoopin.

Initial entry

2009-04-22T09:21:00.000-07:00

After months of people suggesting I start blogging I've decided to get on it.

This could be because I lay here victim of my second ruptured achilles and have nothing better to do with my life. But "Hey!", why the hell not?

So I'm sitting here looking out the window of my 20-something floor bedroom and looking at a beautiful day. However somehow my eyes were drawn to my favorite Boston homeless man. He is the weather man. We developed a relationship when one day I was walking through the common and this man screams at me "37 degrees today, partly cloudy and 41 tomorrow, but the weekend looks nice". I look at him and say "Is that right or are you just making shit up?". To which he responds, "Brother I'm as right as the paid weather man. Now can you spare some change for my services?" So, here I am in the dilemma. Do I just give him change for the hell of it or do I test out his theory with some incentive? So I respond that I will give him $20 tomorrow if I check the forecast and he's right. So he agrees. I go home and he was right.

The next day I walk through the common again and there he is in the same spot, so I break out a $20 bill (fresh from the ATM) and hand it to him. He asks me if I have a five, which I do. He takes the five and hands back the twenty, stating that it was unrealistic for him to take my 20 when he already knew he was right.

This brings me to think of entitlement. We live in a society in which we all feel entitled. I have a facebook page, where I am known for creating status messages with the sole intention of provoking thought and conversation. However at times people take them personally and feel they have to defend themselves. I also live in a building where I am vastly surrounded by the entitled and they treat everyone around them like absolute shit. They don't greet anybody, and often times they assume that I, as the black man, am the help, not a resident.

We are in an economy where people are learning everyday that they aren't entitled. They don't deserve the job they have. They are not indispensable and they do not walk on water. It's my facebook page, you don't have to read what's on it, but just because you read it doesn't mean you're entitled to respond. These people work in the building, provide you a service and often times kiss your ass just to make you smile, yet you can't ask their name. There are millions of people who have been laid off but you take advantage of the fact that you have a job, slack off, bullshit and don't do that which you are paid for because you feel you're special. The CFO of Freddie Mac may have committed suicide today and I doubt anybody reading this is as good at anything as this person was at his job in order to get to that level.

My brother is a professional football player. He is among the few blessed with the talent to be able to not just make it but actually perform at this level. Yet, he thanks god everyday for the talent he was given. The professional sports arena is a place where many feel entitled, but not all.

I am simply thankful for the fact that I woke up this morning because someone else didn't. I am thankful for the fact that I have an achilles to rupture (although it hurts...a lot), because someone else would like to just have legs.

We are not entitled, we are blessed. Blessed for the life we weren't given.